How I’m preparing my twins for a new baby.

-We include them:

In doctor and midwife appointments. 

By reading books to explain the baby’s milestones and growth.

Through inviting them to set up the baby’s environment. This helps to prepare them gradually for the change that is to come and gives them a sense of control, something that is particularly important for “strong-willed” children and those who have a strong drive for autonomy.

-We explain what to expect.

This includes when mama goes into labour, such as who will be with them, and after baby arrives.

The baby is in mama’s womb which is darker and quieter than it is out here. So we will help him to slowly adjust which means keeping the lights low and low noise and adjusting over time.

The baby will likely cry a lot and need a lot of attention, especially for the first few months. But that doesn’t mean that we care for him more than them. That they experienced the same when they were newborns and just as we helped them adjust we will help him. There will be lots of cuddling with mama and papa, but they will be welcome to cuddle with him, too. 

What to expect with nappy changes, umbilical cords, and nursing.

This includes answering questions in a developmentally appropriate way.

-We talk about their needs, love languages, and how we can still ensure that they feel loved.

One of my twins said that she feels loved when we do dry brushing. 

The other twin said she feels loved when we read together.

So those are two things I will ensure I do with them daily. We also talked about how mama will spend a bit of time in bed or on the couch and both their needs can be met there. 

-We created their own care baskets.

The baby has a basket that contains materials he’ll need and that will be close by. I will also have materials that I require close by.

E and V will have their own basket that contains things they need if I’m not able to get them. Special books (such as ereaders and Big Sister book), slippers (similar to these but they’ve been requesting ones like mine which may be an Easter gift), snacks, and little activities (such as this mini doodle that will also allow us to practice some homeschool lessons). Just something that makes them feel included and that they can access near me for when I’m nursing or such. 

-How we are preparing for opportunities to participate in caring for their brother without parentification.

Due to keeping them informed so that they know what to expect, and by allowing them to participate in creating environments they are aware of where his materials are. Most of these are on their level, such as a basket of items he needs and will be close by, so they are welcome to join in his care as they like, but they won’t be expected to. As Montessori children who enjoy participating in most aspects of caring for their environment and others, I’m sure they will want to assist. The difference is providing opportunities, which we will have, and expecting.

They have their own baby dolls and baby care items which are set up. If we did not already have these items I would have considered acquiring them. This allows them to care for their own babies if they’d like to. Why do I feel this is important? To provide choices and a sense of control. Then if they’d like to care for a baby they don’t feel that it has to be their brother. If they choose to assist I want to ensure it’s because they WANT to and not because they feel they have to or there are no other choices for them to practice certain skills, such as changing a nappy.

-Throwing a party.

At a holiday gathering with family a few months ago I was talking about planning a baby shower for my cousin. E became upset and asked about her brother’s shower and why he didn’t get a party. While baby showers are traditionally for firstborns there is something called a ‘baby sprinkle’ which is smaller and more relaxed. So I thought it acceptable to have a sprinkle with immediate families that E and V could plan.

I found a few games that they would be participating in and gave them choices. They chose a bingo game with pictures so they’ll be able to cross off the items called all on their own. Baby search. I’ll hide mini babies throughout the party area and whoever finds the most wins. They invited their cousins, so I thought this would be enjoyable for all guests. What’s the baby food? Take the label off baby food jars and people guess what’s inside. E and V enjoy guessing what’s inside the jars at the grocery store so when I listed it as an option they loved it!

We also went to the store so they could pick out decorations. (Due to it being a sprinkle, they literally just wanted sprinkles.)

They helped choose the food served. Donuts with sprinkles are extremely important to them because it’s a sprinkle. They looked through their cookbook (they also have this one) to find ideas. Thankfully we were able to settle on croissants with sandwich fillings as the main and some sides.

Ultimately, their wanting to throw a party for their brother is an act of love and I’m glad we are able to support it as it’s just one more way they are preparing for his arrival and the change that will come.

While we said no gifts, my cousin did gift a little stuffed lion that E enjoys “bringing to brother” and placing on my stomach for him. My sister-in-law gifted him a rattle that V enjoys shaking, so “he’ll know and like it when he comes out.” Little actions like these reassure me that we are doing a pretty good job preparing.

-Gift-giving.

Gift-giving is one of my daughter’s love languages and something my other child enjoys as well. So their self-care baskets will either be gifted to them at the Sprinkle they are participating in throwing or at the hospital–leaning toward the hospital so they won’t have to wait two months to actually use them. I also have an activity book that I originally planned to gift them during our Florida car trip but we ended up not needing to.

While they enjoy receiving, they also enjoy giving. So they each will have a little book that they will bring to their brother at the hospital–it will be his birth day after all.

How did you prepare your child for a new sibling?